Sometimes I’m so far in the forest that I can’t see the trees. I escaped from the woods last night and saw a few things very clearly. Don’t you hate how you think you’ve changed, you feel differently about so many things, and then BAM! Your old habits come and smack you in the face!? That’s not just me right? Can I get a witness?
I wear my heart on my sleeve. I always have. I don’t know how to have boundaries with my feelings for others. It’s just not in my DNA to withhold, guard my heart, or not do something for someone I care about. This kind of vulnerability tends to bite me in the rear every now and then. I don’t like getting bit. Who does?
Giving it to God allows me to know that he made me who I am and he made me for a purpose. I know he made me this way so that I can bless others, build true friendships and feel true happiness and joy when I can give to others and feel their joy in return. He doesn’t want that side of me to change because it’s how he made me. It’s how he put me together. It’s how he built me in his image.
The human side of me needs work. The side that gets angry when I feel my good deeds aren’t seen or appreciated. My gut tells me to put up walls and shut things down but I know that’s not how I was built to be.
I can’t change who I am. Unfortunately I know my flaws and I have MANY. God, please take this human side and mold it into what you want. Move my hurt heart aside and show me how to love without asking or expecting anything in return.
I’m a work in progress. A big work in progress. I fall down daily. I lose my temper. I blame. I lash out. I fail. I sin. I hurt others with my words. I cry…a lot.
My sister told me last night that you can’t ask a flamingo to bark like a dog. You have to love the flamingo for who it is. So God, help me to love the beautiful flamingos in my life and be able to appreciate their feathers. I also ask that you allow those flamingos to love me for my feathers…. ruffled and all.
Photo taken by my beautiful mother, Susan Woods Alderson