Grief comes in waves and no joke…. they hit when you least expect it. My very flat rear end was stuck in my bed this morning like a magnet. It was hard for me to go 30 feet into my kitchen. The honest truth….right here. Want anything sugar coated? Not here.
I have never experienced grief, true grief before. What I’m learning is that grief can wash over you at any given time with no rhyme or reason. I wasn’t even thinking about my mother, meaning nothing triggered this today but when I woke up this morning I just knew something wasn’t right.
That horrible horrible sound that comes from inside is coming out of me with no warning. It’s scary. Scary. It’s awful…. it’s dark and I know it’s perfectly normal. I still hate it. I’m stronger than this. Way stronger and yet I can’t MOVE from my own bed. I move mountains and I can’t move my own body.
I was so wrapped in my grief this morning that I forgot to pray. I forgot to give it to God which is the first thing I should have done before I even opened my eyes. I forced myself out of bed at the crack of noon and made lunch for me and the girls. I gave it to God…simple prayer…. “here you go God…take my heart and hold me”.
He heard me like he always does… every SINGLE time he hears my heart. Lauren started singing How Can I Keep From Singing and asked to watch the video with me. She crawled up beside me and held me, sat perfectly still, and held me…..she’s still holding me as I write this now. No wiggles, no words, just my baby holding her momma.
Thank you Jesus for holding me…thank you for physically holding me through Lauren. You know what I need at all times and you quieted my grief and anxiety all with one simple hug.
I’m so thankful….so loved…so grateful. We serve a mighty God. Have a beautiful day my friends.