Our bible study is focusing on grace. It’s amazing all the layers I am learning about. We talked this week about idols and how they get in the way of being truly whole with Jesus. It’s what we turn to when we feel at our worst or feel like we’ve arrived and have it all (even if it is temporary).
In the book Craving Grace by Ruthie Delk, she asks a series of questions to help you determine what your own idol is. The two that stood out to me were:
1. What do I crave that without it, I am miserable.
2. If I only had _______ I would be happy.
I chewed on those for a little while and then the answer pretty much screamed at me. I always thought an idol was either the golden cow that the Old Testament people worshipped, money, fame, or a bad relationship. I never realized that idols can come in any shape and size and they can be many things for many people.
1.What do I crave that without it I am miserable? Affirmation.
2. If I only had affirmation I would be happy.
Affirmation is one of my love languages. I crave positive words from others. I will kill myself to do something for someone just so I can get the thank you and the I love and appreciate you that follows. It fills me up inside. It fuels me to do more for friends and family.
When I’m happy I love doing so I can get affirmation. When I’m down and sad I try harder and flat out ask for affirmation…this usually doesn’t end well! Why would anyone want to give me positive words about myself when I’m acting like a whiny brat demanding that they tell me how great I am? And I wondered WHY this didn’t work for me for so many years? Sorry to my husband for that…thankful for his forgiveness and grace with me. My logic based husband married a wife who is 100 percent heart. God help him sometimes!
I am ALLLL about reading the comments that are posted on anything I put on Facebook. I realize that writing this blog post on affirmation might seem like I’m looking for affirmation but I promise you it’s not. What a hypocrite right??
I share this because I had a light bulb moment this past week and I felt it was something that might help someone else. I realized two things:
1. Affirmation is my idol. Finding it in people keeps me further away from God. Constantly craving it from friends and family, or even just hearing it on its own without my seeking it is pulling my focus from where it needs to be with God.
2. God’s affirmation in me is all I need. It is more than I need. Realizing that my idol is affirmation helps me be aware of what keeps me further from God. Knowing is everything! When you can see clearly one day what you couldn’t see the day before is powerful, very powerful!
I’m so grateful for the spiritual journey I’m on. I pray for repentance from my idol and ask God to keep my eyes open so I can see what HE wants me to see, my ears open so I can hear the affirmations that HE says to me, and my mouth open or shut depending on what HE wants me to say. That’s when’s I truly feel I’m whole and right with God. Repenting is when I feel closest, loved, completely loved and righteously affirmed. Beautiful. What a beautiful God we serve!
I’m a VERY transparent work in progress and I hope that my transparency might help with something you are questioning as you walk with the Lord or are thinking he might be worth a try. Love and belief my friends. ❤